


And darling I'm drunk

by aluminummonster



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 02:51:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6312463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aluminummonster/pseuds/aluminummonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Oh my gawd, Dee, you love him."<br/>Head falls to the side, eyes landing lazily on her friend as her eyebrows knit together and her forehead furrows. "You're crazy, Artie, I don't--- I can't..." She'll laugh incredulously. Her? In love with Charlie? That was about as insane as it got...</p>
            </blockquote>





	And darling I'm drunk

**Author's Note:**

> The start of some Chardee shit post The Gang Misses the boat. I just really liked the idea of Artemis figuring them out and then voicing her opinion because Artemis and Dee's friendship is super important to me so yeah.

"Deandra, are you even listening to me?"

  
Blue hues flick in Artemis' direction, fingers of her left hand drumming against the denim of her jeans and from the blank look etched upon her features, it becomes increasingly apparent that she was not. Who could really fault her though? Not many people enjoyed hearing about the sexual exploits between their best friend and their legal father, after-all. Dee's distracted, can't help that her mind tends to wander... Charlie Kelly seems to be invading her thoughts more and more often after the ' incident '.

  
That ridiculous, stupid, ludicrous... wonderful, life-altering incident that she couldn't seem to shake no matter how many times she told herself that it was nothing. That it meant nothing...

  
"Girl, what is up with you lately? You're acting even weirder than normal."

  
Dee will push off from her sofa, meander into the kitchen and snatch a bottle of vodka. She's in desperate need to be intoxicated, needs something stronger than beer to get her there... Being black-out drunk is the only way that she's able to eviscerate Charlie from her mind, she'll bury the way he kissed her, the way he makes her feel... Just for a little while.

  
"Nothing is 'up' with me Artemis! I just don't really appreciate you telling me about your threesome with my father and some hooker, okay? Goddamn." Eye roll skyward, she'll shake her head in a dismissive manner and then throw back some of the clear liquid. "Can you just watch the fucking movie? Jesus."

  
Hypocritical, considering that Dee couldn't summarize the plot of this film if she tried... Some cheesy romantic comedy that they'd picked up from the video store in an attempt to have a ' Girl's Night '. The only difficulty was that this 'fun' evening was turning out to be a terrible reminder of why she doesn't have many friends. Annoyance bubbles very close to the surface, it's only a matter of time before Dee tires of Artemis' company. Her fuse shortens every time the other brings up Frank, she rues the day that the two had met... Just another betrayal in her mind, her best friend now preferred the company of her 'father', and if Frank had ever loved her, surely he wouldn't be fucking her friend right? The whole situation makes a shudder run through her, another gulp of alcohol is quickly consumed. Avoid, evade. Don't deal, forget... Ignore.

  
Pulling her own bottle of Jagermeister from her over-sized purse, Artemis will raise her shoulders in a shrugging motion. As long as she's getting either drunk or high ( or both ), no situation is completely unbearable. Not even watching god-awful rom-coms with a sullen pissy Dee.

 

* * *

 

"So do you think I should try and sleep with Charlie? He's not usually my type, but I'm willing to bet he can get wild in the sack. Maybe he'd be down to be Frank and I's third sometime."

  
Vodka bottle lay empty, littering her floor with a couple cans of beer and various other drinks. The TV screen is stuck on the movie's title screen, Dee can't really remember how to change it back to regular TV, is too drunk to really care much about the relative silence that was filling the room... Her next door neighbors were yelling faintly, cars zoom by on the street below and then... Her blood feels like it beings to boil.

  
Is it crazy to get territorial over something or someone that you didn't even have? Maybe, but knowing such a thing doesn't stop it from happening... Dee's jaw tightens, teeth clench together... Artemis' words feel like a slap to her face; first Frank and now she wants to encroach on Charlie? Next, she'd be banging her brother ( ha, as if Dennis would go for a woman like her! ).

  
"Jesus, Artemis can you be more of a donkey-brained whore?" Slurred words slide from her lips before she can stop them, and she doesn't stop there either; "Charlie's not some sex toy for you to play around with, got it? And for the record, he's not wild in bed, he's gentle and considerate and---"

  
"AH-HA! I knew it!! I knew Sweet Dee and Charles are banging!"

  
Slack-jawed, confusion and panic are mingled in her expression... Dee hadn't meant to spill the metaphorical beans but honestly, she's more concerned about how Artemis had found out... "How did you--?"

  
"Oh, puh-lease, Dee, you two couldn't be more obvious. I can recognize the 'oh shit we sleep together' symptoms from a mile away. I cannot believe no one else has called your asses out on this now I want all the dirty details!"

 

* * *

 

Laying on the floor, eyes trained on the ceiling, the whole story pours from her lips... Missing the boat, the def poetry, getting 'real' with each other, the kiss, the second kiss, and finally, the sex. The best sex she's ever had... Like good enough that it threatened to make her forget about all the other men, all the 'could-have-beens' the 'what-ifs'. The simple act of sleeping together wasn't the truly terrifying part, four people that have known each other since they were kids are bound to have some 'whoops' moments, right? She's convinced that Mac and Dennis have done shit together, the full extent of it is unknown to her ( and she'd prefer that it stayed that way ) but with Charlie it wasn't just sex. Not by a long shot.

  
"Oh my gawd, Dee, you love him."

  
Head falls to the side, eyes landing lazily on her friend as her eyebrows knit together and her forehead furrows. "You're crazy, Artie, I don't--- I can't..." She'll laugh incredulously. Her? In love with Charlie? That was about as insane as it got...

  
"You can think whatever you want, Dee, but I am telling you that this thing with Charlie is the real deal. This crap, " She'll jerk a thumb in the direction of the TV, "is a bunch of bullshit. You're not gonna get some 'fairy-tale ending'. But you'd be crazy to let him slip through your fingers." Another swig of the Jagermeister, before stuffing it back into her bag, Artemis will stand, splay her hands out in front of her. "I'mma bounce, Frank's blowing up my phone. But you gotta do something about this, girl." She'll position the bag onto her shoulder before stepping over Dee's legs and exiting the apartment.


End file.
